Oh, baby. 
My baby. 
How I miss you. 
What I would give to see your face, to hold you in my arms.

When you were working on the cattle ranch in the Northern Territories and would “go dark” because of lack of wifi, days would pass and I would grow increasing worried about you. Then you would go to that roadhouse, the place near Alice Springs, connect, and our phones would light up with lots of texts and pictures. Your dad and I would be so excited to hear from you.

But for those days you didn’t text I would patiently wait. Then I decided that if I saw a majestic hawk soaring in the sky it must be a sign from you. You’d play along. I’d text: “Saw a hawk on Clifton Rd near Davis’ Store, was that u?” Some time would lapsed and then I’d get a “Yep.”

So this weekend your dad, Simon and I went to the cabin. On Saturday, through tears, I planted the flower boxes on the back deck. The day was beautiful. Trinton’s Run was roaring and overflowing. Sunny, blue skies, big white clouds, cool breeze. 

All of a sudden this huge beautiful hawk comes swooshing down by the fire pit and begins to dance in the sky. I am the only audience. He flies low and then soars as far as my eye can follow. He comes back and circles and circles. I’m mesmerized for a good ten minutes watching him.  Your dad exits the front door and walks from the front porch to the shed and I yell from the side deck, “Look!” and it is gone. I like to think you sent him for me.

Endi, my love for you is so strong. I have been graced to have you as my son and your spirit lives within me…..and I will always be in awe of you. You are such a gift.

“Run like the wind, Endi.”

Peace, my son. I love you.

• mom