To Endi

I still remember that night we met in Canada two years ago. You were walking down the hotel hallway, shirtless of course. You carried yourself with such confidence and a presence like no other. I called you Apricot because I couldn’t comprehend that your name was actually Endicott, but I should’ve known then that a special person like you deserved a special name. I now cherish the few times I got to spend with you including that late night trip to silver diner for milkshakes, that hour or two we spent talking in my car in a church parking lot, and that night you crashed my friends surprise party to hang out with me. I am already missing your smile and charm, you are so loved. 

This past week, I feel like I’ve reread every message and interaction between the two of us. I stumbled across my favorite one from one of my instagram posts, it reads “Don’t say anything now but just imagine how gorgeous our kids are going to be” It breaks my heart that no one got the chance to have you be their father because there is no doubt in my mind that you would’ve been a great one. And I would’ve been damn lucky too. 

I kept in frequent contact with Endi these past two years and in July will be studying abroad for a semester in Auckland, New Zealand. My first choice was Sydney, Endi being a huge factor in that but classes ended up not working and I settled on Auckland. Just two weeks ago, Endi and I were talking about him visiting Auckland during his winter break, something I was very much looking forward to. I will now carry his memory with me through my travels, and if i get the chance to visit Sydney, I’ll be sure to say a prayer for Endi and the entire Ackerman family. 

Much love

Brenna